Here a PR Writer example of a headline and news release lead that not only can be shortened but also edited for better presentation of the marketing message.
What a puzzling news release, and from marketing pros. Buries the news; uses passive voices, does not make a dull topic interesting, which is what it should. Here is how the PR Writer it around.
PR Writer essential lesson #7: When referring to corporations and organizations in news releases, following the name, use ‘it’ as a second reference and ‘they’ for people. Another in a series of tips from the forthcoming: “How to be a better online writer overnight.’
The PR Writer chops down another news release, and the meaning is the same.
The PR Writer says it’s bad enough that video peers into Texas schools but this dreadful news release wastes money, as it takes so much time to get to the news. No one but no one, particularly an overworked editor, will ever read through the 57 words of stultifying company explanations before the announcement.
Another in a series of PR Writer tips from the forthcoming: “How to be a better writer online overnight.’ Plurals eliminate gender confusion.
Here are the best writing tips from theprwriter.com blog.
In writing, one of the biggest blocks toward more concise copy is word repetition. Everyone does that; a word works and it gets repeated. The other is unnecessary words. In this example, we have both. You is unnecessary and to be avoided, as readers know they are being addressed.
This one, a major embarrassment for Of Is and By fans, not only hides the sponsor’s identity—a tobacco company—but it also uses a record two passive voices in the lead, and 44 words are easily to 36. The first research finding is pretty sloppy too, with three word repeats in one sentence.
It would be easy to say: what are they smoking but in addition to the word reductions, there are many extra words, redundancies and passive voices. Look how it can be cleaned up.