Lowering word count by nearly 20 per cent and improving the meaning Original VANCOUVER, Sept. 24,…
In this news release from the Israeli EMS organization @unitedhatzalah, there is missing clarity and befuddling structure as well as grammatical and punctuation mistakes.
This news release displays several significant errors: it bases the story on the Jets’ local whiteout tradition but fails to explain to outsiders that it means dressing in white to support the team; there are also many unnecessary extra words, especially ‘for, in and of.’ The headline indicates that there is white involved but the subhead and lead do not.
Many cannabis companies and the government issued news releases on Canada Newswire today to celebrate legalization. Their writing, however, was as flabby as a hand-rolled joint. Extra words, word repeats, grammatical errors and passive voices.
In this PR Writer news release analysis, some essential errors in a story about #roadsidetesting are corrected, passive voices eliminated, and the headline now connects with the lead.