Comments on Kevin Hart Usain Bolt #gameon #pokerstars news release edit

Headline

  1. Celebrities – why not name them? They are recognizable: Kevin Hart and Usain Bolt, as suggested in the edit.
  2. On the beach, at the poker tableO– headline-ese would suggest ‘on beach,’ ‘at poker’ – where it’s played is unnecessary and implied.

Lead

  1. PokerStars has launched the finale — The PokerStars feud. The second is more impactful. People like conflict; the end is boring, though it’s news.
  2. The final challenge in this phase of the series is designed to test the core qualities and skills of poker — which tests poker’s core qualities and skills. It’s simpler.
  3. By opening with the two mis-matched celebrities competing in a 100-metre sprint followed by a heads-up poker match — as the two mis-matched celebrities compete in a 100-metre sprint and a heads-up, all out poker match.
    1. No use of by, two passives in one sentence. As I am not sure what a ‘heads up’ poker match, I added ‘all out’ to emphasize its competitive qualities.

For the first part of the story: Original story

Author: rotmanprwriter

PRWriter, Copy Doctor, Humber College PR and writing Prof

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