Five ways to shorten and rewrite a lead from 64 to 51 words – 21 per cent

Here is an example of a headline and lead that not only can be shortened but also edited for better presentation of the marketing message. The client, PokerStars, is still up front but the main characters, sprinter Usain Bolt and comedian Kevin Hart appear earlier. Here is how Of Is and By (and some news sense) makes the impact more powerful. #gameon #pokerstars

Original  headline

Celebrities compete on the beach and at the poker table in new video series

Revised Headline

Kevin Hart faces off with Usain Bolt in PokerStars feud and 100-metre sprint

Original lead

ONCHAN, Isle of Man, Feb. 7, 2018 /CNW/ – PokerStars has launched the finale of its current #GameOn series, continuing the poker-based feud between the world’s fastest man Usain Bolt and Hollywood comedian Kevin Hart. The final challenge in this phase of the series is designed to test the core qualities and skills of poker, by opening with the two mis-matched celebrities competing in a 100-metre sprint followed by a heads-up poker match. 64 words

Revised lead

 

ONCHAN, Isle of Man, Feb. 7, 2018 /CNW/ – The PokerStars feud between the world’s fastest man Usain Bolt and Hollywood comedian Kevin Hart will come to an end with the finale of the #GameOn series, which tests poker’s core qualities and skills as the two mis-matched celebrities compete in a 100-metre sprint and a heads-up, all out poker match. 51 wordsUnknown.png

For comments, Bolt/Hart comments.

Author: rotmanprwriter

PRWriter, Copy Doctor, Humber College PR and writing Prof

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