Even Harry Potter’s people can write a news release with redundancies, unnecessary words and with flabby sentences.
In this press release, there are some textbook examples of basic mistakes, both in copy and emphasis, not to mention capitalization and headline style. The lead was reduced from 142 word to 109, around 23 per cent.
t always astonishes me that PR departments and agencies pay top dollar to release news electronically and make such basic mistakes. Here are a few from recent news releases.
In this story, from the world’s premier news release distributor, with basic attention to simple Better PR Writer techniques, more than 20 per cent of the copy can be removed from the headline, lead and second paragraph.
This news release from Nikon at first glance looked very well done and was a successful PR tool. It’s still effective. However, in studying it, the word repeats surprisingly made me re-think my original assumptions.
When 36 per cent – or from 75 to 48 words – can be removed from a news release, without changing the meaning, then Better PR Writer alarm bells ring, and the editing PR Tools must be deployed right away.
This PR Tools news release excellently illustrates the benefits of several important Better PR Writer lessons: avoid the passive voice, get rid of ‘of’ and edit out location words (in, located in).
This PR Tools news release demonstrates that by locating ‘Of Is and By,’ the key target words described in How to Be a Better Online Writer Overnight, the lead can be compressed significantly, reducing the word count from 75 to 65 words.
In a few short steps, this PR Tools news release benefited from easy and basic Better Writer edits and reconsidered emphasis.
In this news release, definitely for a good cause, there are several instructive writing tips that shorten the headline and lead, but also add clarity.