Today, we deal with headline style, caps or not, the old bugaboo of it vs. they, and clichés.
PETEDGE Announces launch of its new website for its Pet Professionals Grooming Supplies and Equipment business
Note the mixed use of some capital letters and some lower or sentence case. ‘Announces’ is capitalized for some unknown reason but ‘launch of its new website is not.’
Suggestion, one or the other.
Better PR Writer edit: two options
- PETEDGE Announces Launch of its New Website for its Pet Professionals Grooming Supplies and Equipment Business
This reflects AP and MLA style, capitalizing major words but not ‘of, its, for & and.’ The New York Times favours this:
Coronavirus Live Updates: C.D.C. Releases More Guidelines for Reopening Schools and Businesses
The second version, down-style or sentence case, comprises Canadian Press and the Chicago Manual of Style:
2. PETEDGE announces launch of its new website for its Pet Professionals grooming supplies and equipment business
Although the consensus is mixed, The Toronto Star, the Los Angeles Times and yours truly favour this for better readability:
Premier Doug Ford rails against ‘greedy landlords’ for not being fair to commercial tenants
California is finally winning the coronavirus battle, even as deaths keep rising
BEVERLY, Mass., May 20, 2020 /PRNewswire/ — Boss Pet Products, Inc. and its PETEDGE division, a leading distributor of wholesale professional pet grooming equipment and supplies, is inviting visitors to explore their new website at www.petedge.com. (29 words)
Better PR Writer edit
BEVERLY, Mass., May 20, 2020 /PRNewswire/ — Boss Pet Products, Inc. and its PETEDGE division, a leading wholesale professional pet grooming equipment and supplies distributor, is inviting visitors to explore its new Petedge.comwebsite. (27 words)
Distributor of: always a red flag in these parts.
A. leading distributor of wholesale professional pet grooming equipment and supplies
B. leading wholesale professional pet grooming equipment and supplies distributor
Their new website: A corporation is an ‘it,’ people are a ‘they.’ I’ve said this before, many times.
Www.petedge.com at the end of the sentence/Petedge.com before ‘website.’
In general, avoid web addresses with a period at the end of a sentence. They can void the URL in search engines. Also, with the ease of creating live links, there is no excuse for the entire address and even if it weren’t live, just petedge.com will is preferred. Learn to use Control + K, at least on a Mac.
Follow up quote, see italics and avoid clichés.
“The new website has been designed with our customer’s experience in mind,” said Chris Miller, President of Boss Pet Products, Inc. “Pet Professionals are extremely busy people and our objective is to make finding and purchasing the products they need as easy as possible while providing an enjoyable hassle-free buyer experience“
With the customers experience in mind: one would really hope so, as who else would it be aimed at?
President of Boss Pet Products/Boss Pet Products President: An easy one; get rid of the ‘of.’
Extremely busy people, as easy as possible, hassle-free buying experience: Cliché after cliché after cliché, especially the last one.
Buyer experience: a small point but no period follows the quote.
Once again, The PR Writer is mystified: why people spend good money to circulate these news releases and let them go out so poorly done. Definitely gives me encouragement to keep going with my second writing book: How to be a better press release writer overnight.
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